Wednesday, May 27, 2009

9-06-05

Mama,

Hey there beautiful! I’ve been waiting to get some stamps, but I have gotten all of the letters that you sent. :) I love you Mama and miss you! I feel so happy to get your letters. I love those cards that you sent. Spokane looks beautiful – much prettier than these fences and dirt. :)

I wrote back to those ASU people. I’ve heard nothing yet. I hope I hear something though.

Not too much going on over here as usual. I’m still waiting for my radio. I need to hear something different than BET. All of that rap and R & B sucks. I’m tired of hearing about their nonsense.

I hope your meeting went well. I say prayers for you daily. So somebody is watching over you. :) I have been tired lately; I don’t know why. I want to just sleep all of the time. I wish I felt motivated to do something worth while with all of this idle time I seem to have. I’ve been working out a lot. So, the next time you come and see me I hope you see a difference. :) It is just so hot in here. It was cool for a couple of weeks, but it was just monsoons.

I got your letter yesterday.:) I love your letters! I am amazed at all your hard work. You are always pushing yourself very hard and it is now paying off! One day you can write a very inspirational book encouraging perseverance. I am so very proud of you! I am excited for you. It makes me smile to hear all of your new adventures and goings on. :) I love you.

That article had me amazed! I loved it! I tried to explain it to a couple of people. Yet, I don’t think they got the full effect without the pictures. :) So, I let these guys read it. I’ll talk to them about it tomorrow. I love you!

I am so happy for you! I can’t wait for yourself to be where you’ve always wanted to be for all of these years. You deserve to have the world recognize what an asset you are to the universe. You are on your way. :) I love you and am so very proud of you! I hope I say it enough because you need to hear it. :) We are all very proud of you. I know Jesse is! :) We are who we are because of you. :) I love you!

I have been feeling unmotivated lately. I don’t know why. I want a radio. I think that I s a big part of it. Have you ever been without music for a while and then you hear a good song and get the chills? It happened to me the other day. I was listening to the radio and aerosmith was on and I don’t even them- but I was jamming on it! :)

Last night I took some water and filled them with water. I wrote “Love” on one of them and “Hate” on the other. I tasted it this morning. Just holding the “Love” one felt good. I took the “Hate” one and it just felt bad. I wanted to let it go. I tasted the Love and it tasted good. But I got a little soap in it so I didn’t want to drink too much. I did drink more of the one marked “Hate: I felt angry all day. So, I took a couple gulps of “Love” water and it evened out a bit- weird! :) These are the things I’ve been doing to fill time.:)

Yeah those guys that I let read the article are all tripped out. :) You’ve helped inspire a couple of convicts. :)

I miss you Mama. I hope you are doing okay. I pray for you every night and I want you to be successful, happy and confident. I don’t want you to worry about me-I’ll be alright. Just could use a hug.:) One day, I can go and see you and get a hug and spend time without having to go through any metal detectors.

That girl Jennifer just got approved to visit. It takes awhile to get that way over here. It took three months. She and her sister are going to start visiting, which will be nice. More visits are cool with me. I just don’t know how many will com now that gas is so expensive. It’s like $3.15 a gallon according to Mom and Papa. They’re coming tomorrow to visit. I’m excited to see them. I always get happy when they come. It just might be the last time they come for a while. The darn gas is so expensive.

My cellie is leaving to move in with his cousin. I am ready for him to go. I get tired of people real quick. They have too many mood swings. I’m trying to get his guy, “smiles-a- lot” to move in. He is a nice guy. I wish I could move whenever I want to at least be around positive people. There’s just too much negativity floating around in these walls. Sometimes it gets so overwhelming, it physically makes me sick. I don’t want to be put in that position. It’s just so sad. I feel sorry for those who don’t see that it is not that bad and that it could be worse. I just want to leave and go somewhere to soak in all of the positive in nature. I can’t wait to gather in all of the happiness from the simple rise and fall of the sun and to enjoy birds chirping, wind blowing and clouds moving with grace around in a blue sky.

One day even the most depressed person will realize the endless beauty in life. I just wish more people would open their eyes.

There is so much I am looking forward to, I feel anxious and patient at the same time. Strange, but I know the times will come when a can go where I please and get a hug from my Mama. :) I love you.

I’ve got another year over here before I can go to a lower custody yard. That will be nice. Until then I can look out my little window and see those little white clouds go by and see a blue sky. Sometimes I get a little smile on my face while staring at the sky. I know I can’t possibly be the only one thinking the same thing. The knowledge that all of my loved ones can see the same sky that I see, brings a big smile to my face. One day we can look at the clouds together like a couple of happy kooks! :)

I love you my Mama. I hope you can feel the love I have for you. It’s a combination of your boys affection you sense.

Your loving son,
Charlie

9- 26-05

Mama,
Hey Ms. Mama!
It’s me the orange one. I’m just sitting here- thought I would write you. There is not a whole lot going on over here. I just got a new shirt. I guess that’s cool. It fits and all , so that makes me feel good. It doesn’t take much to make me happy these days! :) I hope all is well with you and Mitch. Not anything negative I hope. I pray you are getting good news from your work endeavors. I want to hear all about ti when it happens.

I saw Mom and Papa last weekend. That always makes me fee great. I love seeing those guys. I guess they are not going to be coming up as much since the gas prices are so high. I’m sure you’re feeling the sting up there too. I see all of this chaos on t.v. I saw the gas in some states is up as $3.80 a gallon! That is madness. I bet one of those hybrids would come in handy. I want a car that runs on hydrogen. Imagine how much you would save on gas. The car would practically pay for itself in like one year. The parts would probable cost an arm and a leg, but…

I saw this thing on P.B.S; it was one of those travel shows. They went to this museum of the complete works of this artist. He was an Italian, named, Dali. The art blew my mind! If you can get hold of a book with his work in it- I would love it! This guy had a book on pencil drawings. It was mostly faces. I liked it cause I have a hard time drawing faces. It was cool to see some done in pencil. The ones with color don’t do it for me. This guy, (the one that drew the pictures), he’s in a mental hospital some where in South America. He draws all of this really cool stuff and then crumples it up and throws it away. The people fish them out and mad a book out of them. The guy doesn’t even remember drawing them. He’s crazy. :)

I ordered a radio along with a new shirt with the $ you sent. But they are switching venders to some other company and they ran out. So I will just wait until they get some more. Besides my cellie has been stingy with his store and I am tired of mooching. I’ll order some food instead of a radio. Next week, I’ll be fat with a new shirt.

I’m so ready to go somewhere where there is less confinement and interaction with other people. I want to walk around and see e stars, watch the sun set and relax with the people I choose to be with. But some day soon it will happen. I’m tired right now. I’ll write more tomorrow. I love you. Good night.

It’s tomorrow now and they just moved me. I’m now over here in house 3. It’s alright- not really a big difference. Got a new cellie; he’s cool. He doesn’t really talk a lot which I don’t mind. He’s going home in November which is coming up here in a bit. So I move around. Those guys were sad that I was leaving. I was talking to them before I left. There’s this thing we do when we leave- we trade our bandannas. I’ve now got a red one instead of a black one. I’ve got it slung over my t.v. I move things around whenever I switch cells. It’s almost like a redecorating period. Not a lot of exciting things happening, but enough to keep me happy.

I love you my Mama. I’m always happy to hear from you. Your letters make me smile. I can’t wait for you to come and see me again. But, I’ll be home anytime you want to come by. :)

I still haven’t heard back form those A.S.U. people. It makes me kind of sad, but I haven’t gotten my hopes up too far so that I won’t be too let down – you know.
I saw the season premiere of our show last night. It was alright I guess.:) It makes me happy though. It’s like there is a whole world out there we can discuss and not too many people know that it is there.

I’m sorry I haven’t been writing more. I haven’t had too many stamps. I forget to order them and just get food. But next time I get some $, I’ll stock up.

Did I tell you I gave up the box? I’m training everyone on how to set up the pipe- a different person every week. I want everyone to experience the feeling it provides. It’s going alright I guess. The head guy got into a fight with his cellie. I guess he was suppose to shank him, but just beat him up. Now he’s on lock down. I’m so used to all of this nonsense and violence. It would be very refreshing to be around some other people – to be a free man around free people. I can’t wait for that day. But until I am where I want to be, I guess I will have to wait. :)

I’ve been on a regular workout schedule for about month now and I can see and feel a difference. By December, I’ll be about where I want to be as long as I continue to step up my routine gradually. By the time, I’m released I should be alright. I do wish I had a weight bench though. But push-ups are okay for now.

I got some hard charcoal from the sweat lodge this weekend. I’ve been trying to work with it. It’s just hard to find inspiration.

Well they shook us down yesterday and they took my headphones. Now, I’m stuck watching subtitles. I tried to get power from the socket and blew out our power. I feel bad. My cellie is all pissed off and it makes me feel worse. This guy gave me a headphone and it needed to be fixed before I could even hear with it. You need fire to hook the wires together – oops! I feel real bad because it is a weekend and there are no maintenance workers here. But tomorrow it should be fixed. I feel bad though. Oh well what’s done is done I guess.

Sorry it has taken me so long to write back to you. I don’t know why but I just haven’t been feeling motivated at all.

Mom and Pap came to see me yesterday. I wanted to leave with them so bad. Mom told me that she had a dream that I came to her door and she was all why are you here> I told her I got an early release. I like hearing about stuff like that. She told me that she had a dream that I came and told her goodbye when I first came to jail.

I damn near slept all day. My cellie is still sleepy. He’s still knocked out. I hope he is not still pissed.

Bubba tried to write me the other day. They wouldn’t let me see it though. Supposedly it had tattoo paraphernalia in it. I’m guessing it is a drawing. I must have gotten the asshole up there. It was nice to know that Bubba wrote though.

Man it is really depressing without power. I still feel bad.

I miss you Mama. Oh I just can’t seem to shake the yawns off. Isn’t that sad? :)

I get to apply for the barber’s job over here on the red side. I need to do something with all of this time. If I get it, I’ll be outside for every rec. and I get to see everyone. That’s my plan at least. I got the okay. So, I’m going to go for it. I hope I get it. I should though. The other night I had a dream I was folding laundry and one of my shirts had “red barber" on it. Wish me luck!

I need to get this out to you. It’s my last stamp until I get a new money order. But it has taken so long, I don’t want to wait any longer.

Sorry I have kept you waiting so long. I love you Mama and you are always in my prayers. One of these days I’ll be able to come and see you or I’ll be able to pick up a phone and call you. But until then, I’ll try and write more enthusiastically.

Your loving son,
Charlie

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