Mama,
I got your letter today and I’m a bit worried. I wish I could give you a hug and take away all of that troubles you. Evan though I know that really wouldn’t work. I feel that I might relieve some of all that you sense is around you. If people could just start reading earlier they would absorb so much and make better decisions about the world in the future. I believe in you – but more importantly the universe believes in you.
A calling is just that. We are all born with predestined goals we need to accomplish. The difficult part is figuring out what they are. You have that part down already. You are so lucky to know what you have to do. There are so many people in the world just lost. Floating around wasting away our short valuable time here in the world. You know ….oh you know. All of those that have left this world – and all those waiting for you to come here, are cheering for you.
I love you. I am so very proud to have you in my life. So very proud of who you are and every decision you have made. Who are we to question our trials and tribulations? Do not question the past – it’s back there for a reason. Whatever took place then was meant to be. It made you who you are and who I am proud of ant who the universe is cheering for! I love you.
No matter what you are never alone. You always have the potential to gain. A way to grow is a way to learn. You already know what to do. Believe in yourself as we all do and no harm can come your way. You are a very old soul, full of wisdom and love- probably on your last life. :) And all of these inexperienced fools can frustrate you. But you can see Mama. You can see what you need to do!
I could feel your emotions through the letter, but three days have passed since you sent it out. How much have things in your own mind changed? It’s like in the “Awareness Book” , where he talks about viewing yourself through a third person’s eyes. I feel as though it takes away all of the emotions from that point of view. Knowing how to do that really helps mfe in here. I’m sure it would help you out there. :)
I feel as though I’ve been battling my own anger demons in here as well though mama. I wonder how much of that has to do with your situation? I mean I am half you. I will try and be positive as I can so that the energy comes to you. Maybe that will help. You can send me all of your stress and I will send you faith and love, even understanding to understand your stress- oh and a hug!
I quit cussing for New years – did I tell you that? It doesn’t seem like it would be that hard but sometimes you just want to scream a big F***! I’m sure you could relate. :) That’s probably why I get sudden fits of rage. :) All of that negative wants me- bits get in from time to time. But I believe it is a good war to fight. The sad part is that I’ve started to see how much of that ick is all around. A good thing is I realize more now than ever before, how much ick is not me. Sure it isolates me, but I never really fit in anyway :) -anywhere really, but I don’t mind. The greatest person I know doesn’t fit in either, so for that I am grateful! :) I love you!
You brought a smile to my face talking about moving to Winslow. :) I love you so much- always. I almost cried while smiling.:) I do not want you to worry about me or making a future for me. During all of this time away from the world- made me re-evaluate all that you have taught us boys. I was naive for not realizing what valuable information it really was. I have faith in myself and my future and I know I can make it on my own and meet all of the goals I was meant to make. But without you the epitome of love as long as I have known you, I strongly doubt that I could see the right road. Remember that you create your own reality- believe in what you want and what you visualize. Know it to be true!
It showed again tonight, a beautiful white blanket covering everything. The other morning it was 4 degrees. I’m so used to it now. I was just wearing a sweatshirt.:) I’m using my hair as nature’s scarf. :)
I’m listening to this tape now. The last time I listened to it, well, the last time I can remember was up on the Hopi Res.> You guys were still married and borrowed Mom and Pap’s van . Bubba was with us. We couldn’t find a radio station and we had this CD. We all convinced you two to listen to it, that you would like it if you just listened to the whole thing in silence – just driving. Jesse was sitting next to me so content.
Beautiful memories, I am never short of- wonderful thoughts of everyone stored in my soul waiting to be shared with my children and enjoyed. Once we all get done with whatever it is that few are doing here! :) I love you.
You really are the greatest person I know. The snow is outside her as well as there. Closer than we think? We are just a dream away form anything.
As always, your loving son,
Charlie.
