Mama,
I got your books last night. There were like three different boxes. I am so excited. I was doing some yoga exercises and it fixed my back. This guy I know said to me when I got them, “I wish I had a Mom like that!” He’s another chief form Gila River. He’s all into reading books like the one’s you’ve sent me. It made me proud and happy at the same time!
I started to read “The way man thinks”; it’s cool. When I am done, I’ll let you know how it was. This morning the first thing I did was look in that dream book and try to analyze my dream. I have been having bizarre dreams lately. This book helps but things into perspective a little.
I talked to Mom and Papa yesterday. They’re on the visiting list and I finally talked to them. It’s been about 6 months since I last spoke with them. They sounded good and happy. They told me about outside. They mentioned that they were going to drive up to Washington, the first of the month. They’re bringing Leah? Anyways, they were really excited about going.
I got your letter yesterday. It’s been a while since I got a letter. I was starting to get worried. I’m sorry I haven’t been writing. I’ve been lazy. I don’t really have the motivation; nothing seems worth writing.
The other night I was dreaming happily. Jesse was there holding a white cat – a big white cat. He said,” this will wake him up!” and he threw the cat on me. I could feel the fuzzy warmth on my neck and the claws of retreat. I woke up and sat up gasping for air. I was wide awake and panting. So, I went to lay down where the cat was and it was all cold. It gave me the chills. I said a prayer asking anyone who wasn’t Jesse to go away. It didn’t dawn on me that the white cat was Pearl Jam (My boyfriend’s cat that had died) ‘til I pondered over the dream later. Jesse used to wake me up by making Chopper jump on me and lick my face. That was the best way to wake up. We used to wrestle and he would lie next to me and ask me about my dreams. Those dreams came true later on.
It made me happy to know that he wasn’t alone. If I ever needed confirmation that there is life after death, I definitely got it now. I feel him around me a lot when I’m alone. I talk to him.
It’s a weird concept, but I get a thought and someone will say it. It’s like they read it out of my head. Or I’ll get a thought and say it in my mind and someone will say exactly what I was just thinking verbatim. I’ve come to realized that it could be Jesse communicating in a collective consciousness sense. Anyhow, I have been trying to say something before someone says it to me. :)
I finally got my teeth worked on they filled two molars, one on each side. It’s hard to chew. I’m going back to get some cavities filled. They ripped my gum and had to stitch my mouth, but the stitches came out the same day. And now I have this piece of flesh flapping when I talk – OUCH!
I’ve been doing Yoga at night. After I do a couple of exercises, my chakras feel aligned. It’s dope. My mind is clearer and I am calmer. It helps me focus on what ever I would like to ponder on -OM! Anyway, thank you. Yoga has mad prison bearable.
I’m sorry for not writing you. I’m a lazy boy. I got another letter from you today. Who cares if I misspell words – geez. It’s good to hear from you always. I love getting letters form you. I talked to Mom and Papa before they left, they were all happy and excited. They should be there by now. Thanks for the little cards. Are you going to church? You probably don’t have enough time. So, I’ll pray for you instead, okay?
I’ve gotten, “Yoga”, “Einstein’s dream”, “Millionaire”, “dream book”, “Da Vince Code”, “5 people in heaven”, “Angles and Demons” and “As you think”. I’ve read them all Thanks!
I got a set of tapes called formation road block from JR Management U.K. Don’t worry about the tapes. I knew it would be difficult to get a hold of some anyhow.
Maybe you could find a djork tape? It’s called, “telegram” I would love to hear that one – ok- Seputkna “roots” and Massive Attack “Messinine”. Those three are some favorites of mine.
No monkey ass, Chris has written me. Neither has Martin. Don’t worry, I’m alright about it. Screw them! People have there own lives. I miss my life. The one years ago- not the one I left behind. That person I was before is gone. I didn’t like him anyway. :) I have to think back before Jesse died to have truly been happy. My mind, actions and choices since then have been clouded. That whole loss really fucked us up – all of us. I wish I could have handled it better.
I feel guilty about my teenage years – damn! Really bad. I want to make it up to you. Some day I will. My kids are going to be down right crazy. :)
I miss you Mama. Don’t know what I would do without you. Don’t work too hard, okay? I’m glad you’re happy. Stay that way!
Oh I almost forgot to tell you, the lumps on my face were from my bad teeth. I’ve had them taken out one molar on each side and I am in pain. But I am cancer free! I quit chewing tobacco and I am working on quitting smoking – don’t trip. I’ll quit someday before I am free, alright?
I was watching, “The Price is Right” and there was this huge black guy named LaVerne. “LaVerne come on down!” How would you like to go on that show with me? We’ll get a bunch of people together with matching tee shirts that say “Bob for Pres”. ‘ LaVerne come on down!”
I know how Chopper feels when no one walks him now. Just laying there staring like a dog. Charlie the dog. :) I might as well be neutered too. It’ll take the fight out of me. :) Charlie the dog.
There is this cop; he is a huge white guy. He looks scary and mean. So, all these convicts treat him mean out of fear. But when I say, “Hi” to him, he looks like a little kid who doesn’t have to be serious any more. My cellie calls him a big teddy bear. I don’t know how the hell he does it (my cellie), but he talks the cops into all sorts of shit.
When we moved over here, there weren’t any stools by the desk. He talked a cop into bringing in a chair out of the area. Then he had maintenance weld a stool in here, the only one on the run. He lectures the dick head guards and walks around the yard like he doesn’t know any better. What a goof. All he does is drink coffee, smoke, talk shit about people on T.V. and draw. He is funny. But when he talks about good looking women, he uses a voice that sounds perverted, like he’s talking to a dog. I talked him into getting a wetback wife. I told him to get three or four. But he only wants a wife and another one to take care of. He is a lonely S.O.B. He’s confused about being a cowboy though. I told him you can’t be a cowboy and an Indian at the same time.
This weekend there’s all these westerns on T.V. He’s all into it. I told him F*** John Wayne”, he just about cried. :)
Tomorrow is the forth of July. At dinner we’re going to have hotdogs and hamburgers. We have Hamburgers three times a week. First it’s a hamburger then it’s Salisbury steak, then hamburger with cheese. Tonight is the hamburger with cheese. They also serve chicken a lot. But on the boxes with the chickens it says, “Not for human consumption”. They’re all deformed chickens!!! I miss your chicken so much. Everything is so blah or yuck!
I want fried zucchini right now, with ribs BBQ, pizza, fires and a beer – Yummmm!
I’m trying to fill up the Space. Have you heard from Lacey at all? I wonder about Cierra. Every hour I try to picture her one year old. How she looks, if she talks yet. I wish I could be there. I miss that baby. If you could you find out how she’s doing for me? Lacy’s Dad’s Number is XXX-XXX-XXXX, at least it was. It would ease my fears, if you could find out something for me.
Thank you for being you Mama. I miss you ad will write more often. No more Charlie the dog.:)
I’m all approved for Rio Salado, but no rush in another year… I’m going to be free sooner than 2010. 2006 watch and cross your fingers :)
Could you send me some $$? I haven’t had any food for three weeks and I am tried of asking for food – Dog food.:)
My hair is down to my upper back now. I like it up. I wish you could see it. Soon enough I suppose. Give Mom and Papa hugs and kisses for me and Chopper too.
I thank God I have you to talk to. I appreciate your up lifting thought and undying love. I’ll try and return the favor :)
Love Charlie
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